WHITNEY HOUSTON - ‘I will always Love You’
Automatically replace the word ‘love’ with ‘hate’.
LINDA RONSTADT - ‘Blue Bayou’
Makes you want to wretch it’s so sickly
ROD STEWART - ‘Downtown Train’
Brutally suffer someone else’s mid-life crisis.
SHRIEKBACK - ‘Get Down Tonight’
The only spine in this bass-line is that of a jelly-fish
BLINK 182 - ‘Another Girl Another Planet’
Disney-Channel were on the production team.
JOE COCKER – ‘You can leave your hat on’
Cocker takes a lot of stopping having spent 40 plus years making awful covers.
FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS - ‘Ever Fallen in Love’
Pure unmitigated drivel from the band that also butchers ‘Suspicious Minds’
ROBBIE WILLIAMS - ‘Song 2’
The only one who went “whooo hoooo” was Robbie and the legion of schoolgirls in the front row.
PRONG - ‘Get a grip on yourself’
No listen to me – you get a grip on yourselves!
PHIL COLLINS – ‘Tomorrow Never Knows’
His cover of a Beatles masterpiece is like a kid with crayons interpreting Picasso.
JOHN PAUL YOUNG and FALL OUT BOY- ‘Love will tear us Apart’
Both serve-up in equal portions renditions which exude all the power and emotion of a wet face cloth.
WALLFLOWERS – ‘Heroes’
You can be plagiarising passion-killers just for one day.
NO DOUBT – ‘It’s my Life’
Message to Mark Hollis; Sue the pricks!
LIMP BIZKIT – ‘Faith’
Limp? You mean flaccid more like.
UB40 CHRISSIE HYNDE – ‘I Got You Babe’
Not if I run quickly and block my ears at the same time.
SOUNDGARDEN – ‘Fopp’
They should have spelt it with an L behind the F.
SHAGGY and LUMIDEE – ‘Feel Like Making Love’
More likely to ruin your libido permanently with one listen.
THE EXIES – ‘Once in a Life Time’
They ate all the flesh off the corpse and then sucked the marrow from the bones.
THE OFFSPRING – ‘Feelings’
If you had any feelings for the rest of humanity you would have never done it.
SAVE FERRIS – ‘Come on Eileen’
Even as kids did you guys have an imagination?